


My Name Is Alex Danvers And I Am Worth It

by StarrySkye



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alex Danvers-centric, F/F, Neglect
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-23
Updated: 2017-02-22
Packaged: 2018-09-26 09:55:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9884771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarrySkye/pseuds/StarrySkye
Summary: My take on how Alex is made to feel throughout her life by Eliza Danvers the one women she has always tried to gain the love of.





	

When Kara first came to live with them she didn’t know what to think, she wanted to be angry because she went to being her parents everything to nothing but the side show but she couldn’t because Kara had just lost her entire world and it wasn’t too bad.  
  
  
Her father dies and suddenly everything becomes so much worse Kara still needs protection but her mother can’t cope. Her mother hardly says a word to her anymore and it hurts after she spends her day waking Kara up, making Kara an alien sized breakfast, going to school and protecting Kara from the bullies, coming home to make dinner (Because Eliza is working hard to earn enough to feed Kara) before retreating to her room to try and get through her homework, that at the end of the day Ale can hear her Mom wish Kara goodnight and say “I love you” but just walk past her door.  
  
  
Alex knew becoming an older sister meant she would become responsible for so much more than she ever had but she didn’t realise it would make her any less loved. But now the only time her mother talks to her is when she is yelling about something that went wrong whether it’s Alex’s fault or not.  
  
  
She begins to withdraw distancing herself from the few friends she had and buried herself into her school work because even if her mother didn’t notice how hard she was working, how good she was becoming. Even if her mother wasn’t proud of her, if she got good enough scores she would be able to escape. She could go wherever she wanted and not ever have to look back to the person she no longer recognised as her mother.  
  
  
She graduated top of her year taking all AP classes and passing with A+’s. She graduated valedictorian and yet when she stood up on stage making her speech searching the crowd hoping for once her mother would be proud of her the only face she could see was her bubbly sister grinning and giving her a thumbs up and whilst it should have been enough her heart sank. She wasn’t here. Alex knew she should have expected it but she couldn’t help but hope that her mother had for once put her first and come to something that was important to her. No such Luck.  
  
  
At the end of the summer her mother couldn’t even afford the time to drive her to College and it was at that point she realised how little she really meant to her mother because she drove Kara to school on her first day and yet here she was hugging her sister goodbye her car packed full and she hadn’t seen or heard from her mother all day.  
  
  
Alex really thought now she was away from home she was free but her one weakness, her kryptonite if you will, was Kara. She would take a phone call from Kara and inevitably her mother would take over from Kara to ream her out over something that happened back home because she wasn’t there, like Kara accidentally almost setting the kitchen on fire whilst trying to cook. That one was her fault because she should have taught Kara how to cook before she left. It was a human skill; a human skill Alex should have apparently taught her.  
  
  
Kara then ended up following her, Alex is still unsure whether that decision was hers or her mother’s, and once again Alex became responsible for her puppy sister despite Kara being eighteen, legally an adult. It’s worse now her mother calls her once a week and it’s always a one-sided conversation about how she should be doing better whilst she ever the diligent daughter just sits on her sofa phone to her ear listening. Tears brimming her eyes that she won’t permit to fall despite being behind a closed door because she won’t let her mother make her that weak she won’t give her mother the satisfaction of making her cry. Instead Alex drinks and she realises how numb and peaceful alcohol can make her if she drinks enough so she finds herself drinking herself to oblivion more and more until the first thing she does in the morning is garb a beer out of the fridge and gulping it down.  
  
  
The day she got put on education probation was one of the worst in her life. It just confirmed all these thoughts in her head.  
  
  
She worthless.  
  
  
She was a waste of space.  
  
  
She was a failure.  
  
  
She was nothing to be proud of.  
  
  
She was not worthy of love.  
  
  
She was not worthy of life.  
  
  
So, Alex drank and drank with the full intention of ending that night after all the world would be better off without her. The only person to miss her was Kara and even though her heart skipped a beat at the thought of causing Kara to lose yet another person she drunkenly headed towards her car forming a plan. Out of sheer coincidence a police officer arrested her, saving her life for the night at least. Then a stranger a man she vaguely recognised but couldn’t place came to her cell and knew all about her. Knew all about her, that’s when she recognised him as one of the men who threatened to take Kara away when she first arrived (She stayed behind a bit to peek before scuttling to her room and comfort Kara). She was never told what her parents did to keep Kara but she was smart enough to realize Kara was in danger now. Whilst this man was telling her she was special Alex wasn’t believing that for one moment the only special thing about her is her sister. But she did as her Mother always taught her, drilled into her, from the moment Kara appeared in her live and took the job; she took the job to look after Kara for the rest of her life.  
  
  
When Kara came out as Supergirl before she had even gotten the chance to speak to her boss Alex’s phone burst to life, her mother calling. Of course, it was all here fault she wasn’t there to stop Kara. Alex for once her life didn’t wait silently for her mother to finish and the hang up without getting a reply, instead she burst saying “She saved the plane because I was on it mom. She didn’t want me to die. She saved me” and after a moment of silence her mother replied “She shouldn’t have done it. Alexandra, you know what this means for her now, it’s not worth the risk.”  
Alex took a minuet to comprehend just what her mother had just said. Kara should not have saved her. Kara should have let her die. And despite just hearing her mother would be happier if she died Alex grinned. She knew the perfect come back. “Well I stand by Kara not because I value my life. No, if you have taught me anything it is how worthless I am and how much better off the world is without me but for some reason Kara loves me mom. She might be the only one but she does love me and I wouldn’t want her to lose another person she loves on top of losing her entire world. And I especially wouldn’t want her to lose somebody she loves with the knowledge she could have saved them but did nothing. You might be willing to see that pain on your daughter’s face. You might prefer to lose a daughter and cause the other one even more devastating pain. But I prefer that both of us are alive and I have a sister that I would never want to know the pain of losing me. You might be able to cope because all you are losing is somebody to blame but she won’t because she would lose so much more.” Alex started calmly but got more and more irate throughout the entire speech. The moment she finished talking she hung up not willing to hear whatever her mother had to say. It felt good to have that off her chest. It was far from everything she wished her mother knew but it would do; at least for now.  
  
  
When Alex told her mother that she worked for the DEO, Alex had hoped that she would be proud of her. But just like all other hopes Alex had had in life since Kara crashed into her life it didn’t become reality. Her mother’s approval, her mother’s love, still an unattainable dream in her nightmare of a life.  
  
  
Her mother’s harsh reaction to her job had Alex desperately in need for the bottle and she would have drunk herself to sleep if she knew she didn’t have work the next morning, because no matter what her mother thought her job protecting Kara was important and she wouldn’t let anything impact her job. Unfortunately, she had work and so after having a shower and crawling into bed Alex found herself doing something she hadn’t done since she was in college at seventeen and cried herself to sleep.


End file.
